January 2019 - The Wabi-Sabi Writer

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Smizing
January 23, 20191 Comments



I wake
with the blush of dawn
filtering through 
the gauze of dreams

I start my day
gently

 nothing hurried 
nothing worried

cupping my intentions
like the bergomot tea
I drink slowly
by the open kitchen window

crisp breezes
joins me at the table
and tells me tales
of mornings
on the Cote d'Azure
I can almost hear
the turquoise waves
kiss the pebbled shore
as the busses 
roll through
on the wires
below

chatter and chirp
clammer in
to remind me
of the golden hour
in Aix
in the old town sqare
where afternoon wine
that unctous seductive red
is served
with warm olives
and wicked
laughter

I drain the last
of the memories
now tepid...
...still tasty

and head out
into a new day
with a smile




*Tressa, The Lackadaisical Poet and I challenged ourselves to write a "happy" poem since we have trended more serious, melancholic or dark.  This week's poem is inspired by the duchenne smile - or smiling with the eyes (smizing) which has the unique and exceptional tone that positive emotion and joy generate 
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Monday, January 14, 2019

Hemorrhaging
January 14, 20191 Comments



For five days
I did not look

Could not look

where my wounds
bleed freely
into the ivory 
parchment
for fear 
the spill would run
over the edges
the lines
unable to sop
up the grief

I watched the nurses
pack sterile pads
into your womb
to stint the bleeding
each swollen 
beyond its capacity 
and hung on the green tiled walls
to keep count

8
9
10

one more and a transfusion would be needed

I held my breath

and you kept breathing
then
a new life
you brought to your breast


Now my soul 
bleeds out
I will these words 
to have 
preternatural powers 
to absorb
to heal

that writing 
is the wielding of swords
and
wrapping of bandages
all the same

You are no longer
breathing

and I am keeping count

7

8

9

10






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Friday, January 11, 2019

The Bell Tolls Six
January 11, 20190 Comments



My mother just called - her voice hushed and breaking.  I wanted to blame our cell service, the storm or technology ineptitude.  But I knew, it was the beast that follows the reaper, the one that brings pain to those left behind.   A mother should not outlive her children.  It is a cruel burden I wish on no one.

Matt brought Nyx home tonight.  He placed her high in the their closet.  Nyx’s closest female friend Carrie wants to take her to the place they met.  I want to take her back to shark fin beach in Santa Cruz… 


...and to Narnia where we played as children.   

The children will shampoo and brush out the length of of their mother’s hair taken before the flame took her form down to ash.  

When I was nine I read my first book in the Chronicles of Narnia while lying in the spare room of the single wide we were living in at the time - The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.   I cried when Aslan was killed and yelled out in joy when he came back to life.   I would over the next few years read the rest - all but one that is - that one would remain unread - until now.  


Growing up, Narnia became our childhood mythology - we would head out towards Ashburnham, into the deep woods behind Ridgewood and around Dunns Pond - each area a different part of our Narnia.  

Our mother would ask - where are you going? when we would say we were going outside to play - "Narnia !"  we’d exclaim and she would say “be home by 6” and asked no other questions.  


It was not until perhaps a year or so ago did Nyx ask her if she even knew what Narnia was - and to both of our utter shock, she did not even know of the books, let alone where we actually went.    In a way, that was perfectly aligned with the stories CS Lewis wrote, the adults rarely knew of this other world.  And it was of course a different time.

So all these years I have avoided reading The Last Battle because I knew it was the end of Narnia (not just the series, but the land).  I never wanted to face that.  I wanted Narnia to be forever.

The day Nyx passed, I took the book off the shelf and started to read.  


Today the king and the children learned that the castles were ruined, the talking animals silenced, that Narnia was destroyed.


...and I may never stop crying

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Monday, January 7, 2019

Borrowed Inspiration
January 07, 2019 3 Comments



Arriving early
to start slow

breathing
tweeting
and facing the day
I cannot hide
from songs that speak my mind

I spill
a full glass
no harm done
just
leaving
an empty
sticky mess
behind

time is ticking
away

leaving late
to finish slow

breathing

I
am
still
breathing
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